I don’t know who is dumber here:  The DMV, or the woman.

I’m gonna go with the woman, because either she tried to slip an obscene vanity plate by the DMV with an excuse nobody would ever buy, or… she really DOES love tofu.  And seriously, have you ever had tofu?  It’s awful.  It’s like eating spongy rubber.  And don’t tell me it takes on the flavor of whatever it’s cooked with, because in that case, everything I’ve ever had that was served with tofu must have tasted like spongy rubber.

On the other hand, the DMV should just let her have the plate.  Either she’s a whore, or she loves tofu.  Either way, I don’t see why the government should care.

Ok, so this isn’t so much a stupid news story as it is a stupid headline.  Or rather, it *might* be a stupid news story, I’m sort of unclear on that as well, since even after reading it, neither it nor the headline make a ton of sense to me.

Just in case it gets changed at some point, here’s the headline as I see it right now:  “U.S. Treasury asking banks keep quiet on tests:  source“  I’ve tried parsing it several different ways, and the best I can come up with is that a certain unamed source is saying that the U.S. Treasury is asking banks to keep quiet about some tests.  The article seems to bear that translation out.

How awful is that writing, though?  Come on Reuters, I know the whole print news industry is getting the shit kicked out of them currently by the fact that nobody wants to go out to the driveway in the cold every morning to pick up a soggy pile of day old news anymore, but can’t you find people who can write better than that?  I’m not even sure you can punctuate that properly to make it read well.  But I can think of several better ways to phrase it right off the top of my head.  But screw Reuters if they think I’m going to edit their shit for free.

Edit:  Apparently, as I was in the process of writing this entry, Reuters changed the headline.  It now reads “U.S. Treasury asking banks keep quiet on stress tests” which is still bad, but not as English-as-a-second-language bad as the original.

So I guess teenagers need to be warned not to set shit on fire with makeshift flamethrowers now.  I mean, I guess it’s a good idea, every so often, to just mention to people “Don’t set people on fire with your ratty-ass body spray”–we all need a helpful reminder now and then, I suppose.

But, considering there’s nothing dumber on the face of the planet than your average middle-class teenager (except maybe a whole group of your average middle-class teenager) I guess it shouldn’t surprise me that there’s apparently a big problem with them randomly setting each other on fire with spray deodorant.

Now that I think about it, though, do we really want to discourage this?  Maybe instead we should just take a Darwinistic view of the whole thing.  If you’re so fucking dumb that you’ll actually set yourself or your idiot friends on goddamn fire with your own body spray, maybe we don’t need your contribution to the gene pool?  I guess we need to make sure they don’t torch houses, cars, forests, or the smart kids standing around minding their own business.  But hey, you want to go up in nice-smelling flames?  Knock yourself out, asshole.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Too big and fast for the sidewalk, too small and slow for the road!  This is just the thing to get GM out of bankruptcy!  Hope they give me back some of my money Uncle Sam sent them after I purposefully did not buy their shitty cars for years.

How in the name of all that is good and pure does Dean Kamen keep convincing people who should know better to give him money to create shit NOBODY WANTS, and is, in fact, COMPLETELY USELESS?

Hey Dean, I have a great idea!  I like your idea for a small, two-wheeled device to carry me around, but I’m not so impressed by the expensive software and gyroscopes required to keep it stable.  Instead, what say we come up with a design that offers dynamic stability?  Also, I think we can do away with the bulky, expensive, batteries and electric motor.  I bet we could make this device able to achieve speeds much faster than a typical human can achieve utilizing a series of clever gears and good old-fashioned muscle power!  And it would be even more “green” than your stupid electric thing, since, hey, that electricity still has to come from somewhere, right?

What do you say, Dean?  Think this concept has any merit?