Anybody else totally tired of Brett Favre?  Yeah, me too.  The guy needs to either stay retired or stay not retired.  Pick one, man.

So of course, in case you hadn’t heard, Brett Favre is in talks to return to football with, of all teams, the Minnesota Vikings.

Now, I know not everybody follows football, despite the fact that it has basically replaced baseball as our national pastime.  So for those of you who don’t know how awful this is, let me put it in terms any American should be able to understand.

Remember when Benedict Arnold switched sides in the middle of the Revolutionary War and went to fight for the British?  Obviously you do not actually remember this, unless you are Methuselah, in which case you still wouldn’t remember, since that dude died thousands of years ago.  But anyway, remember learning that shit in history class?  Remember how pissed off all the Americans were when he did that?

That’s about on the level of how Packers fans will feel if Brett goes and plays for the Vikings.  It’s not quite the level of hatred Red Sox fans have for douchebags who sell out and sign with the Yankees, but it’s close.

So what, you ask?  The guy still wants to play.  The Packers didn’t want him back last year and presumably still don’t want him back, and the Jets don’t want him back either.  Why shouldn’t he go play for the Vikings if they want him?

Here’s why:  Because he needs to just retire already.  This is what, the fifth year in a row he’s either retired or “seriously contemplated” retiring and then decided to come back?  Three of those years he basically held the Packers hostage while they waited for him to make up his friggin mind.  Last year he tried to pull a power play to get back on the team after FINALLY retiring only to very quickly un-retire, and the Packers finally just said “Dude, get out of here, you’re not welcome here anymore” and traded his ass to the Jets.  Then he retired after completely screwing the Jets’ chances to make the playoffs down the stretch (in fairness:  he’s also a big part of the reason they were in a position to make a run at the playoffs in the first place), and now he’s going to un-retire AGAIN?  Here’s the real kicker–that bicep injury he suffered near the end of last year, the one that basically caused him to play like complete ass and totally boned the Jets?  Yeah, he didn’t get that fixed.  I guess that shit will just heal on its own.  Magically.  In just a few months!

I’m tired of this.  GO AWAY BRETT FAVRE!

Professional wrestler The Ultimate Warrior gave what were probably the most intense interviews of all time.  Perhaps not coincidentally, he also gave the most rambling and incoherent interviews of all time.

I will give five internet dollars to anybody who can tell me what in the hell he’s talking about here.  This interview was part of the final push for one of the biggest matches of all time, Hulk Hogan vs The Ultimate Warrior at Wrestlemania VI.  Clearly there’s something in here about how this conflict was inevitable–he starts the rant saying as much, I think.  Then there’s something about Hulk Hogan being full of walls filled with thick fear.  Then a little bit later, there’s something about his fans attaching themselves to the outside of the building and… seeping through?  Wow.  That’s some deep shit.  I’m not sure what to make of it.  The best part is how he keeps referring to Hulk Hogan as “HO KOGAN”.

Also, check out Mean Gene at the 1:20 mark or so.  As soon as the Warrior starts ranting about the walls, Gene tugs at his collar and makes a face–at first I interpreted it as Gene hamming it up, acting like he was hot under the collar because the Warrior was scaring him or whatever.  But I’m thinking that’s probably not it at all–it’s more likely he’s signalling to someone off camera that this interview is rapidly going south and someone needs to cut it off very soon!  Of course, nobody does, because who is going to step in and tell this roid freak to start over?  Instead he goes on for another minute or more.  It’s completely awful, and yet… also complete awesome.