Laughing at other people's dumbness since 2009
I love this. Apparently back in the day someone gave an old piece of wood to the Dutch Prime Minister and told him it was a moon rock, and the dude totally bought it.
Notice that the plaque very carefully does not actually claim the thing is a moon rock. It is merely a gift to commemorate the visit of the moon astronauts to the Netherlands. If you misunderstood and thought we were giving you a moon rock, well, that’s your own damn problem, Dutch boy!
Posted in In The News.
– August 31, 2009
I find cryptozoology fascinating. I’ve read Heuvelman’s classic work on the subject, and I’m a sucker for those Hitler Channel “documentaries” on Bigfoot and shit.
That said, I don’t actually, you know, believe most of this shit. The Loch Ness Monster doesn’t exist. Bigfoot almost certainly does not exist. The Yeti exists, but only if you’re talking about this guy–and let’s face it, mummy ninja wrestling yetis are about a thousand times more awesome than the regular kind.
We’ve certainly not discovered every type of creature that lives on this planet. But your standard cryptozoologist spends way too much time chasing after tall tales rather than finding new species of insects or fish. Take, for example, this guy right here.
New Zealand journalist David Farrier is going to Mongolia to hunt for something called the “Mongolian Death Worm”. It appears to be something straight out of Dune–a giant sand worm that spits acid and farts lightning! Now, I gotta say, that’s pretty badass. I mean, if such a creature exists, maybe we can use it as a source of cheap electricity!
Farrier says he’s going to look for it because it’s “one of the most outrageous creatures that were rumoured to exist.” Fair enough. But then just a sentence later, the article claims “However, it was also one of the mythical creatures that had a better chance of being real.” Uh, what? You lost me there.
As evidence that this creature stands a fair to middlin’ chance of actually existing, Farrier busts out the old “the natives have no reason to lie” canard.
*sigh*
Seriously, does anybody ever actually buy this shit? That “natives” never lie, or never tell tall tales, or never, you know, encourage stupid westerners to come to their remote area of the globe and possibly employ a great number of them in their foolish expeditions to look for a creature that doesn’t exist? OF COURSE they have a reason to lie to you! Who the fuck is going to go to Mongolia otherwise? That’s right, nobody. But if they can get idiots like David Farrier to believe that maybe there’s a giant fucking worm that shits lightning there, maybe they can make a few bucks carting his shit around for a few weeks, or trade some of their “knowledge” of the creature for some goddamn biscuits or something. They’re going to tell you whatever you want to hear if it means you’ll be bringing some wampum or food or part time jobs to their shitty village! Penn and Teller said it best: “The natives are fucking with you! The natives ALWAYS fuck with you!” Sometimes people don’t even NEED a reason to lie to you. They just enjoy messing with you!
And anyway, I already found those worms. And they’re not in Mongolia. They’re in Hellfire Peninsula.
Posted in In The News.
– August 3, 2009
Ty Cobb was an asshole. There’s really no getting around it. Whenever anybody starts going off about how we can’t let Pete Rose into the Hall of Fame because he gambled on baseball, or how Shoeless Joe Jackson shouldn’t ever be allowed in because he might have thrown some games, or how Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and Mark McGwire will never get in because they (stick with me here) corked a bat and probably took steroids, probably took steroids and was an asshole, and probably took steroids (and had an awful case of backne either way), just remind them that Ty Fucking Cobb is in the Hall of Fame.
Stats wise, there’s no doubt Ty deserves to be in the Hall. The all-time hit king before Rose played for seven thousand years and beat his record (and his career .366 average is still the best ever), Cobb was also a demon on the basepaths, stealing somewhere north of 800 bases in his career, which is good for fourth on the all time list–and 2-3-4 on the list are bunched up fairly close together. Lou Brock in second has 938, Billy Hamilton in third has 912, and Ty in fourth has 892. Of course, Rickey Henderson swiped 1406 because he was a mother fucking base stealing MACHINE sent from the future to steal our bases.
But we’re here to talk about Ty Cobb. And part of the reason he was so good at stealing bases wasn’t just because he was fast (although he was). It was because he’d spike the shit out of you if you got in his way.
Here he is kicking some poor catcher in the dick:
Seriously, look at that. He gave that guy a flying kick right in the goddamn dick. And why? Probably because he had the unmitigated gall to try to tag Ty out at home. Or maybe JUST BECAUSE. For all I know, Ty just walked, and decided to jump-kick the catcher’s ball sack before heading to first, just on goddamn principle.
Cobb fought everybody. He once challenged an umpire to fight him under the grandstand after the game. The hell of it is, the umpire accepted, and Cobb knocked him down and choked the shit out of him until some spectators intervened. He fought with fans–he once climbed into the stands and beat the shit out of a handicapped man who called his momma names.
He was a well known racist. He once slapped a black elevator operator for being “uppity”. When a black security guard intervened, Cobb stabbed him. It being the early 1900s, this was apparently acceptable, and the issue was never taken to court.
He was hated by so many people, one time a manager basically threw a couple games just to prevent Cobb from winning a batting title. St Louis Browns manager Jack O’Connor ordered his third baseman to play back on the outfield grass every time Nap Lajoie came up to bat in the final two games of the season. Nap was behind Ty by just a few percentage points in the batting title race, and old Jack hated Ty so much, he tried to rig it so Nap would win. Nap went 8 for 8 in the double header, with six bunt singles, but MLB cottoned on to what Jack was up to and ended up awarding the title to Ty anyway.
So, in conclusion, Ty Cobb was a huge cock. He was a shithead, a racist asshole, and a loudmouth punk with an inferiority complex that caused him to lash out at everybody. But holy shit could the man play baseball.
So the next time someone tries to tell you Barry Bonds shouldn’t be in the Hall of Fame because maybe he took roids, show them that picture of Ty kicking that poor dude in the dick. If that’s “playing the game the right way”, I’m not sure what Barry (probably) did was so wrong.
Posted in Retro.
– July 27, 2009
You ever seen those ads for that online game Evony? Unless you’re running an ad blocking program, you sure have. Noticed how they keep getting racier and racier? The latest one, you can’t even tell it’s an ad for a game. It’s just some boobs all up in your face.
Mr Atwood over at Coding Horror has noticed too, and did a nice little write-up on them. Honestly, I don’t know who the bigger dumbasses are, the people over at Evony, or the people wringing their hands in the comment thread about how this signals the end of society or something.
Come on guys. It’s just boobies.
(.)(.)
Posted in Miscellaneous.
– July 21, 2009
I actually approve of this. Anything that makes stupid people unable to reproduce is fine by me.
Also, happy 4th of July!
Posted in Miscellaneous.
– July 2, 2009
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