Rods

“Finally!” you think to yourself, “some good dick jokes on this dumb website!”

Not those kind of rods.  This here kind of Rod.  According to believers, rods are large invisible flying… things.  Invisible to humans, that is–but completely visible to cameras!  They appear out of nowhere and disappear just as quickly.  They were “discovered” by a man named Jose Escamilla in 1994, while he was busy trying to videotape UFOs.  Jose claims on his website that the evidence clearly points to rods being some kind of unexplained phenomenon.  Clearly they’re not just bugs flying by at high speed.  Which is, of course, precisely what they are, and exactly what they look like.

I mean, really.  Look at that picture again.  Now look at this one.  Now take a gander at this one right here.  I don’t know about you, but what I see are insects.  Insects that have flown by really fast, so that their image is captured multiple times in the same video frame, or on one still picture.  Now think about this for a second.  If what we’re seeing here are bugs flying by so quickly they get captured multiple times in a single frame, wouldn’t it stand to reason that if you used a longer exposure time, like you might use in low-light conditions, that the insects would be captured even more times per frame, and would thus make a longer rod?  Kind of like this here?  Or this?

Now I’m sure some of you are thinking “What kind of insect can beat its wings fast enough to have them show up multiple times in one 1/30th of a second exposure?”  The answer to that is, quite a lot of them.  The common horsefly beats its wings about 90 times a second–enough to be caught three times in a single 1/30th of a second exposure.  Many moths and butterflies flap their wings between 80-120 times a second.  A housefly can beat its wings around 200 times a second.  All of them, if filmed or photographed as they buzzed past your lens fairly closely, would show up as a blurred, elongated object with multiple wings.  Sort of like this.

But fuck reason and logic.  I’m pretty sure rods are invisible creatures over a foot long that only show up on cameras and never ever ever run into people and knock them the hell out with their great bulk and tremendous speed.  That makes the most sense.