Yogic Flying is a giant bat-shit insane piece of bullshit foisted upon unsuspecting new agers by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi as part of his total package of bullshit known as Transcendental Meditation. Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking “hey, I meditate, and it’s awesome. Don’t be all harsh on meditation, man!” Well, those of you who are hippies anyway. Let me reassure you by saying that I’m sure meditation is a great relaxation and focusing tool. I’m not convinced it’s any more effective than, say, sitting quietly and remaining calm–but sure, it helps you relax and keeps you refreshed mentally.
What it sure as fuck does not do, however, is enable you to fly. But check out the assholes in this video:
That’s actually the first phase of yogic flying. I’m not kidding. They actually think they have some mystical fucking powers because they can hop around in the goddamn lotus position. Yogic flying is said to have three phases:
- Hopping
- Levitation
- Flying
What these people are doing is obviously phase 1. And the hell of it is, many of those people probably paid upwards of $1500 for the privileged of being taught how to bounce around on their asses busting their ball sacks against the ground. Seriously, those TM jackholes charge people thousands of dollars to learn how to hop like a frog. It’s completely insane. Never mind that nobody, anywhere, ever, has managed to get past phase 1. Not even the Maharishi himself has ever convincingly demonstrated the ability to levitate, much less actually goddamn fly (although I’m sure he could if he really wanted to!)
And the sad part is, yogic flying isn’t even the most ridiculous claim TM makes. There’s also something called the Maharishi Effect that proposes that if as few as 1% of the world’s population would only practice TM, then magically the entire world would be awesomer!  You think I’m making that up, but go ahead and look it up for yourself–that’s essentially what they claim. If 1% of a population practices TM, magically everybody else benefits in… some way. I guess peace magically breaks out or some shit. It’s sort of unclear, but to be sure, IT IS AWESOME!
I wonder if there might be some other motive for encouraging people to practice TM? Hrm. Let’s do some quick math:
1 % of 6 billion times $1500 = A FUCKING SHIT TON OF MONEY
Yeah, I think there might be some other motive here. Just a guess.
In Britain, maybe 15 or 20 years ago, the Natural Law party stood in the general election. Their policies included things like “teach Yogic Flying in schools” and “reduce crime through meditation”.
They didn’t get many votes.