Captain McPukestain strikes again! – Holy Fucking Shit You're Dumb!
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Captain McPukestain strikes again!

Ok, so “strikes again” is a bit of an exaggeration, since near as I can tell this is the first time this guy has done this, but whatever, it makes for a punchier headline, don’t you think?

Anyway, this asshole from New Jersey apparently intentionally puked all over an off-duty cop and his daughter at a Phillies game.  Now, normally I’d make some crack about messed up Philadelphia sports fans, and bring up that time that Eagles fans booed Santa Claus and pelted him with snowballs.  But I can’t really do that here, since it’s not clear the guy even is a Phillies fan, and he’s definitely not (currently) from Philadelphia.  So I’ll just content myself with this:  Screw you, Phillies.  Nice job not beating the Yankees last year.  It’s because of you Alex Rodriguez has a ring now.

Ahem.  Anyway.

Check out that mugshot.  Doesn’t that look exactly like the type of guy you’d expect to see under that headline?  Fat, unkempt, looks like he’s got a little peach-fuzz beard thing going on under his fat chin.  Plus, somebody popped him one and gave him a shiner just to complete the look.  I don’t think I could make up a headline to go with that mugshot that would fit better than the real one.  Except maybe “Butter monster eats town, gets punched.”  Or something along those lines.

Posted in In The News.